Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Women hate Tom Cruise

"Women hate Tom Cruise," says Sumner Redstone, Viacom chairman and the guy who gave Tom Cruise ten minutes to clean out his desk and be escorted off the premises by security.

Yes, a few months ago Tom Cruise very publicly got his arse fired by Paramount Pictures. At the time Sumner Redstone cited Tom Cruise's obvious mental deterioration as the reason for the split to which Tom Cruise probably responded by going "wah wah wah something about L Ron Hubbard. You're being glib!"

However, it was revealed this week that the true reason for Tom Cruise being let go is the fact that all women fucking hate him! This backlash could have had something to do with his repeated assertions that women who wanted to stab their babies shouldn't take drugs stopping them from doing so. Or it might be related to his desire for faux-girlfriend Katie Holmes to squeeze a large object out of her vagina without the use of drugs and to shut her fucking mouth while she's doing it. But probably it mostly has something to do with the fact that he's a really creepy, smug weirdo.

Sumner Redstone first twigged to the excessive levels of estrogen fueled hatred for the star of that movie where some guy yells at Dustin Hoffman for two hours for being retarded when his wife expressed her distaste for Cruise. Says Redstone, "Paula, like women everywhere, had come to hate him. His behaviour was entirely unacceptable to Paula, and to the rest of the world. He didn't just turn one [woman] off. He turned off all women, and a lot of men ... He was embarrassing the studio." To which Tom Cruise's spokesperson responded, "Maybe Redstone should wait until his wife's off her rag before he lets her make business decisions for him" although he may or may not have actually said that.

However, it can be argued that Sumner Redstone is eighty-three years old and one of the richest men in America and is therefore a little out of touch with what normal women actually think. To this end I did a little bit of research into the matter on my own. I asked Shelly at my work if she liked Tom Cruise and her response was: "Tom Cruise? Eww! Fuck off!" Admittedly, what I actually asked her was "would you have sex with Tom Cruise for a hundred bucks" but you get the idea.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

holy fucking biased story but at least you're honest about it.