Monday, October 23, 2006

Captain Great's guide to Greatness Part 1: Popular Music

It is an established objective fact that the moment something becomes popular it loses its indie street cred and thus ceases to be kewl. This is a point of frustration for many young, cultured hipster types who quite liked said cultural product yet also enjoy the modicum of kick-ass indie street cred that they already wield.

This dilemma occurrs quite often in the world of popular music; I'm sure you recognize this scenario yourself: you find a mostly not that shit new band, you shill out a couple of extra bucks to get their album imported by that creepy guy with the neckbeard at that smelly underground music store that you don't like going to. Then six months later, said band are loved by the lazy masses when one of their songs gets played over the top of a crappy "Marissa tries to commit suicide episode" of the OC. This then forces you to a) make sure everyone knows that you liked them for at least a year before they became popular, then b) deny you ever liked them once their popularity peaks and they start to become a bit passe. However, this tiresome process can be completely avoided. All you have to do is pretend to like the following three bands (or genuinely like if silly things like being a massive phoney worry you) and your indy rawk street cred will probably never again be questioned!

1) Radiohead
But, I hear you say, Radiohead are like totally popular and stuff! True. However, you can't afford not to like Radiohead. You see, Radiohead has sort of become this symbol of artistic integrity in its purest form or something and has thus split popular music into two factions: you either like Radiohead or you're an idiot yuppie airhead who only likes musicians from naff reality TV shows and you probably also own that Abba tribute record by Steps, All Saints and every other rubbish musical act of 1999 and the Backstreet Boys Boardgame. If you really want to push it, make sure everyone knows that you prefer Radiohead after they turned all weird and experimental and shit.

2) Boards of Canada
Who? I hear you ask. Well they're pretty much the best band eva, yo but I'm sure you already knew that because generally only people who aren't shit have heard of them. But in case you are a little bit shit here's a rundown: they're mostly an electronica act so they will never be hugely loved by the masses at large. But they're just well known and respected enough to make you look heaps cultured and shit. You should already like them anyway though you idiot yuppie airhead.

3) Go Old-Skool
It's alright to go a little old-skool. In fact, I would recommend it because then you get to look all superior in comparison to all the plebs who still dig the current rubbish music scene. You have to be careful though. For example you should probably avoid Led Zeppelin, The Clash, Sex Pistols, Joy Division and The Cure because everyone and their grandmother are already pretending to like these bands. A safer bet would be Frank Zappa, Buffalo Springfield, The Kinks and to a lesser extent Pink Floyd. I normally wouldn't recommend Pink Floyd because for some reason everyone in the whole world owns Animals on Vinyl. But you can probably get away with it if you obnoxiously refuse to acknowledge the existence of the band after Syd Barret left. Because shamelessly name-dropping Syd Barrett apparently wins any argument or something.

For some reason everyone in the whole world owns this on vinyl

You now have 17% more indie street cred just for reading this page alone. Go get 'em Tiger! Just one last tip: ignoring the fact that I've used the word like 27 times on this page alone, never actually use the word indie because that just makes you look like a pretentious wanker. Unless you're discussing kick-ass archaeologist Indiana Jones. Then it's alright.

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