Noel Gallagher pisses off every famous person in Britain

Apparently Noel Gallagher, lead singer of naff rock group Oasis, did an interview this week which can only mean one thing: lots and lots of foaming at the mouth pissed of celebrities.

I'm actually quite fond of Noel Gallagher, not because of his music which is a dreadful steaming load of rubbish, but because he seems to one of the few famous people left that still remembers that celebrities are supposed to be here for our entertainment. You see, while Eva Longaria is giving mind-numbingly dull interviews about how much she enjoys working with the other Desperate Housewives and while Paul McCartney is rambling on about how much he doesn't hate his hobbled spousal abuse claiming ex wife, Noel Gallagher is asking Robbie Williams to shoot himself in the head and is offering him a loaded gun to do it with!

In an interview conducted by The Sun this week, Noel Gallagher earned the emnity of pop-rival Robbie Williams by declaring, "I wouldn't shoot [Phil Collins]. I do think he's a bit of a knob though. As for Robbie, I'd put the bullet in the gun as he's eventually going to do it himself anyway as he is a grossly unhappy person." Allegedly, this feud is of the on-going Yoko Ono/Paul McCartney variety with Noel Gallagher calling Robbie Williams "the fat dancer from Take That" in 2000 and Robbie responding by calling Noel Gallagher "a mean-spirited dwarf" and challenging his brother Liam to a fist fight. Which seems just a little excessive Robbie - I'm sure rightly pointing out that Oasis hasn't produced a single second of half decent music in over a decade would have sufficed.

But Robbie Williams baiting isn't the only amusing antic Noel has gotten up to this week. In the very same interview he earned the ire of fellow inanely blabbering foot in mouth Brit Elton John by suggesting that the Benny and the Jets singer considered himself too "precious to go out and buy a pint of milk". To which Elton responded, "[Noel Gallagher's] an absolute tosser and he looks like Parker from Thunderbirds." I'm actually going to give a point to Elton John for this one. I mean, if I was a celebrity I don't think I would mingle with commoners; I hear they don't even wash themselves with Evian bottled spring water the dirty unfamous plebs.

Elton John then went on to demand Westlife sell more copies of their dreadful suicide-inducing new album so that Oasis' best of collection won't be number one come Christmas or something. And, er...point taken away Elton. Sorry.

Noel Gallagher then ranted a little bit more declaring that "Greens are fucking hippies with no place in the world" and "The troops want to go (to Iraq), all they want to do is fight! They're soldiers. They're loving it, until they get shot - then they're claiming compensation. If you're bothered about getting shot - here's a thing - don't join the army." Which probably also pissed off a whole bunch of people but likely no one famous enough for us to care.