Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Paul McCartney apparently not pissed off at Heather Mills McCartney

Sometime I wish celebrities would just have the balls to say what they really think.

Take probably your least favourite Beatle Paul McCartney for example. Ol' Macca has been in the news quite a lot lately which is quite surprising considering that he's famous for being a songwriter yet hasn't actually written a half decent tune since 1969. Appropriately, it is instead his scandal laden divorce from his one-legged one-time pornographer wife Heather Mills than has landed him on the front pages of both trashy tabloids and newspapers that should probably know better.

The latest installment in the starting to get tedious ongoing saga has Heather Mills claiming that Paul McCartney is a wife abuser. Yes, the mild mannered Beatle famous for write such twee songs as Blackbird and Maxwell's Silver Hammer allegedly got his kicks by stabbing Heather in the elbow with a broken glass, forcing her to slither on the ground after a leg operation and other mean spirited malarky. That cheeky rascal! Heather Mills then went on to claim that Paul also beat his beloved dead wife Linda McCartney.

Of course, no one seems to believe these allegations including Heather's own father who recently declared "my Heather is mad!" Paul McCartney similarly responded by releasing a few carefully worded public statements that included such choice phrases as "Argh! I kill that Bitch!" and "I want that one legged bitch dead!" I'm totally lying. Of course Paul did nothing of the sort. Instead, the least funny one in A Hard Day's Night responded by spouting a whole bunch of typical bland mamby-pamby PC sentiments about not holding grudges and stuff in a recent BBC interview: "Life goes on, I do not hold grudges against anyone...I think life goes on and it is what you make of it so I am pretty optimistic."

I don't think anyone believes for a second that Paul McCartney isn't totally pissed off at Heather Mills just like no one really seems to believe that he actually took drunken potshots at her elbows with shards of glass. Nevertheless he decided to take the dull PC route so beloved by celebrities as of late anyway. And I personally am sick of it! Don't you just wish that Paris Hilton would just come out and say "Hell yes I was drink driving!" or Tom Cruise had been all "God! Fuck those assholes" when he got sacked by Paramount Pictures? Wouldn't you have liked Paul McCartney just a little bit more if he had said "I wish I had bludgeoned her with a broken glass that lying, money grubbing cripple!" to the BBC instead of "I don't hold grudges against anyone"?

Like I said, I'm sick of it. It's high time celebrities stop pretending that they're real people who deserve silly things like privacy and respect and start realizing that they're here for our entertainment. For example, if Heather really had to make up stories about spousal abuse she should have done so with our entertainment in mind possibly by claiming that Paul hilariously beat her unconcious with her fake leg. Being wackily pushed down a shopping centre escalator would also have amused me sufficiently.


Eastcliff Richard said...

Er, have you actually listened to the lyrics of Maxwell's Silver Hammer recently? Admittedly there's nothing there about mashing Heather's brain with a false leg, just random skull cracking with a hand tool.

There again, it's a creative work, so maybe it shouldn't be taken as shining too much light on the McCartney psyche!

Captain Great said...

I can barely listen to Maxwell's Silver Hammer let alone pay attention to the lyrics and stuff. That song is shit.

I've heard that if you play Here There and Everywhere backwards you can hear references to roughing up mono-peds with prosthetic limbs but maybe that's just a coincidence.

Anonymous said...

Dahling, of of course the Great Void of The Beatles (he put the White in the White album)says namby-pamby PC stuff...he wrote "Silly Love Songs" (ugh). Just be grateful that he never let Heather sing. Or maybe he tried to, and that was part of the spousal abuse. Personally, I would find waking up next to the man spousal abuse, but that's just me. Their songs will always be Lennon/McCartney, accent on the Lennon.
Ciao from across the pond,
Elisa & Bucky The Wonderdog

Captain Great said...

I believe that Paul McCartney singing craptacular Wings song "My Love" to Heather at their wedding was also cited as part of her spousal abuse claim.

maureen said...

He actually re-gifted her wedding song? Isn't that like giving her Linda's old clothes to wear? What a bastard. I'd make up crap about him too.