Thursday, November 09, 2006

Bono from U2 is still shit

People seemed to respond well to me slagging off Bono from U2 the other day and since I'm an attention seeking populist sell-out here's more of the same thing.

Should I ever become President of the planet Earth or something the very first thing I would do is completely outlaw music magazines and the music section of the paper because it has come to my attention that these products exist purely as a platform for self indulgent rockstars to air every idiot thought in their stylishly messy head. People would probably complain; however I would justify this action by pointing out that music is meant to be listened to and not read about and probably the only reason why people read these magazines is to bone up on their musical knowledge so they can seamlessly name-drop Ian Curtis in conversation.

This would appear to be a rather extreme action to take but, you see, last monday I happened to read the most
rubbishy, kiss-ass, self-indulgent celebrity interview in existence. How rubbishy, kiss-ass and self-indulgent? Well here's a quote from the interviewee Bono: "Intimacy is a great word. A lot of people are listening to music through earphones [these days] and you know, you're whispering into people's ears." GOD. What a knobsack.

Actually I can't decide who I hate more, Bono or Christine Sams the interviewer and the broad who wrote the following line: "It must be my feminine side," said Bono, with a sexy drawl.

Here's a few more embarrasing quotes (my comments are in red):

"The band are rehearsing now, I'm getting out of it by talking to you, which is great because I really can't stand rehearsal." Wow. Way to go not rehearsing for a concert that you shamelessly charged seventy-five pounds for.

"Our songs tend to be with people at either the best of times or worst of times...When we walk on stage, that's the reason why people's hair goes up, including mine by the way." What a conceited dickhead.

"[my] definition of art is breaking open the breastbone and pulling open the ribcage and, you know [he mimes his heart tumbling out], a blood transfusion" I'm pretty sure that that rubbish song Vertigo is proof against the post-modern view that anything can be art.

Of course, it's not all Bono's fault that he's such a twat. If you got told that you were a magnificent, brilliant, creative genius all day by soulless sycophants with bad tastes in music you'd probably think every little bit of crap that came out of your mouth was compelling and insightful as well.

And he isn't even the biggest twat on earth. That honour goes to Stephen Baldwin who embarrasingly once said to Bono: "You would do far more good if you just preached the gospel of Jesus rather than trying to get rid of Third World debt relief." Actually, that's quite funny Stephen Baldwin. Ammended: Bono is the biggest twat on earth.


maureen said...

Where in the hell have you been all my life? How did I ever live without reading you before? You are a total shit distruber -- which ranks you at the top of my list.

Can't wait for the next installment of Captain Great.

eee gads, I hope I don't make you go all "Bono" and shit for tell you how great you are. Sweet jesus in a pink moo-moo, what have I done??!! That is just how the ego enlarging started for Bono!

Captain Great said...

Don't worry Maureen, it'll take a lot more praise than that to turn me into an idiot sunglasses wearing prat!

Johnny Strike said...

"Way to go not rehearsing for a concert that you shamelessly charged a hundred and fifty dollars for."

To be fair, they've been playing the same song for the last 20+ years, so I imagine the need to rehearse must be minimal.

Captain Great said...

"To be fair, they've been playing the same song for the last 20+ years, so I imagine the need to rehearse must be minimal. "

He he! Good call!