Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Yoko Ono: Healing the World through Forgiveness or something

I'm really starting to dislike all these celebrities that think they can save the world with a couple of idiot hippy sound bites. Take Hell Fell favourite Bono for example, who thinks he can "make poverty history" by getting people to wear silly white wrist bands. Or all those "rock against racism" knobsacks who thought playing a bit of music for free would stop Kramer from making jokes about stabbing African Americans with forks or something. And now it's Japanese conceptual artist and proffesional widow Yoko Ono's turn to use the media to circulate over-simplistic trendy-sounding solutions to extremely complicated problems.

Now you'll probably know Yoko Ono best as the screechy shrill one on that "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" song but you also might also know her as "Mrs. John Lennon" and "that woman who broke up the Beatles". Although, if you ask me, "that woman who inadvertently unleashed Wings on the world" would have been a much more damning title. Also, if you've ever read an interview with John Lennon post-1968 you'll definitely know her through Lennon's endless blatherings about how every Beatles song was actually written about Yoko except he just hadn't known it at time, probably causing you to suddenly feel really embarrassed about all those times you used to listen to Eleanor Rigby on repeat when you were sixteen years old.

Now, because she feels she just wasn't ridiculed enough for the whole "lying in a bed for three days will create World Peace" nonsense that made the whole world dislike her just a little bit back in 1969, Yoko is back with another bit of lazy celebrity tripe designed to solve all the world's problems and stuff. In a press statement intended to commemorate the 26th anniversary of John Lennon's death Yoko stated:

"Every year, let’s make December 8th the day to ask for forgiveness from those who suffered the insufferable. Know that the physical and mental abuse you have endured will have a lingering effect on our society. Know that the burden is ours. Let's wish strongly that one day we will be able to say that we healed ourselves, and by healing ourselves, we healed the world. "

Okay, so I've read this thing through three times and I'm still not exactly sure what the hell she's jabbering on about but if my extensive dealings with famous people (I once saw Noel Edmonds in a paper shop and the old host of Wheel of Fortune whose name I forget in a shopping centre) have taught me anything, any celebrity press statement with the words "healed the world" can only be bad news.

However, I do agree with Yoko's sentiment that the anniversary of John Lennon's death be celebrated in some capacity; I propose that this year on December 8th we celebrate the first ever "International let's rock against racist poverty and make it history by wearing trendy white wristbands of forgiveness day" leaving the rest of our year free of self-righteous celebrity wankers.


Johnny Strike said...

Bradley Walsh?

Captain Great said...

Nah it was the one before him. I think he was in some rubbish reality celebrity show early this year.

Johnny Strike said...

Nicky Campbell preceded Walsh. John Leslie came after.

Tossers one and all!!!

Captain Great said...

Yeah Nicky Campbell!

Being a tosser is pretty much a pre-requisite for being a talk show host!

Hoardmeister said...

My dear Captain,

As long as there is one more shekel to be made from John Lennon's death, our Ms. Ex-The Best Beatle will continue to bang the drum.

Captain Great said...

She is a bit of a money grubbing shrew isn't she.

Lennon was always a little bit too smug for liking. My favourite Beatle is Ringo because he was the funniest in A Hard Days Night.