Friday, December 08, 2006

Bono: "Africa is shit! Also, Madonna is great!"

"Oh, bloody hell! Bono again," I hear you shriek. "I sick of that tosser! Write some more about Britney Spears' vagina instead!" Alas, I'm compelled to report Bono's every prat action just as people who drive past car crashes are compelled to stare at all the mangled bodies and stuff. You see, in the last couple of weeks something monumental has taken place: Bono has replaced Robin Williams as my least favourite celebrity of all time!

Now my deep hatred for Robin Williams is surprisingly not all that well documented on this blog if you consider that I've made but a few scant references to the man since I started it. But I assure you, I would rather having my eyelids pried open Clockwork Orange style and be forced to endlessly look at pictures of Britney Spears' gash than watch another Robin Williams movie. I mean, take Good Morning Vietnam for example, a movie so unfunny that they had to insert endless scenes of people fall around laughing in order to show you where the jokes are. Or look at Mrs. Doubtfire, a film that mostly just involved Robin Williams doing stupid voices for an hour and a half. And Patch Adams, well I don't have much to say about Patch Adams except that it is, without a doubt, the worst film ever made anywhere ever.

Anyway, all that is in the past now that much of my hatred for ol' Robin Williams has been transferred over to that wanker from U2 who always wears his sunglasses inside and at night. And oddly enough, you can thank aging burlesque dancer Madonna for this sudden plummet in esteem I hold for Bono.

You might recall Madonna recently caused a bit of a fuss by deciding that she wanted to own a little African boy and, because of all her money and fame, she was able to completely by-pass all the usual lengthy adoption nonsense that normal plebs have to go through. And now, eager to substantiate the urban myth that if you stand in front of a mirror and say Africa three times some insanely rich self important Irish rockstar will jump out and start rambling about poverty, Bono has waded into the controversy by praising Madonna for her actions and revealed to the press that he has offered the boy's father a job at his wife's ethical clothing label. “We’re trying to get jobs to Africa then people will be able to keep their children," he condescendingly said, cleaning his hundred thousand dollar sunglasses on his shirt.

Of course, it could be argued that Africans should be grateful that someone is raising international awareness of some of their problems. But personally I would be more pissed off that one of the most famous people on earth has decided to dedicate his life to flying all over the world telling people how rubbish my continent is. If I was Africa I would write Bono a carefully worded letter that would go something like this: "Dear Bono. Fuck off. Luv Africa."

2 comments:

maureen said...

Hey Cap'n Great!

Howzit dude?!

A favor please: I'm moving my blog over to this url http://blog.myspace.com/fashionfiascos
and closing the one you have linked. Would you be the doll that you are and change your link, purty please! I'll be setting up new links for you and the other blogs I read on my website and my MySpace page. I think that will actually send more folks your way.

You're an angel!!

xo ~MAUREEN

Captain Great said...

Done!