Friday, November 10, 2006

Captain Great is sick of bio-pics

Actors just love the Academy Awards don't they?

Obviously, this is because it lets them be all smug and indulge in their own greatness for a couple of hours. However, they also love the Academy Awards because it provides them with a validation for their decision to pursue a career that mostly just involves talking in funny voices and spending millions and millions of dollars on basically an hour and a half of entertainment.

Actors also really love bio-pics at the moment with every thespian and their great grandma signing up to play either Keith Moon, Iggy Pop, Bob Dylan or Janis Joplin in future movies. The mutual love actors share of siny gold statues and E! True Hollywood story-esque films about other famous people is no coincidence. You see, ever since mediocre telemovie A Beautiful Mind was inexplicably declared 2001's best film, the word 'biopic' has become pretty much synonymous with the phrase 'Oscar gold'.

This Hollywood trend has reached its fever pitch in the last few years with Academy Awards ceremonies rife with clips of actors wearing ugly makeup, speaking in annoying high pitched voices and playing crappy country music in county jails. Just recently the films Ray and Walk the Line were heavily nominated and even snagged a statue or two for Jamie Foxx and Reese Witherspoon despite the fact that they're actually the exact same movie but with the main character's skin pigmentation altered slightly. Likewise Phillip Seymour Hoffman was rewarded for his role in Capote, a film that proved audiences will pay to watch a man write a book for two hours if it's overrated enough by critics.

Having seen Capote I would argue that copying some dead writer's annoying high pitched voice for a couple of hours is a somewhat easier task than actually crafting a unique character from scratch. But then again, I'm not an actor and don't work in the entertainment industry.

Anyway, the bio-pics keep on coming. This time it's dead tv personality and Hell Fell favourite
Steve Irwin who's being turned into oscar-bait for some over-ambitious thespian. Conveniently, Steve Irwin's manager John Stainton claims that Steve Irwin already had fellow Australian Eric Bana penciled in to portray him in a film: "Steve said to him to promise one thing if he died anytime soon ... play him if there was ever a movie about his life,'' Stainton said. "Steve Irwin also gave me permission to use his image to shill any random product that can possibly make me more money," Stainton probably then added.

God! Too soon, much? you might be thinking. Rest assured, John Stainton says that no film is currently being planned. "There might be a movie in 10 years or there might not be one. We don't know,'' he said, weakly pretending that he hadn't called up Paramount Pictures exactly forty-five seconds after Steve Irwin was declared dead.

2 comments:

Hoardmeister said...

Dahling, I must disagree with you about Capote. Infamous, yes. And A Beautiful Mind is a lump of dung no matter how you look at it, medicated or not. For a really excellent biopic, try Kirk Douglas in Lust For Life. My dear dead friend Lana Turner is not in it, but it's not for want of trying. She did audition for the part of Gauguin. Damn that Anthony Quinn!

Captain Great said...

Hmm...I believe I saw Capote when I was heavily hung over and stuff. I remember wanting him to finish the damn book already so I could leave and buy some panadol.

Thanks for the tip aka. Lust for Life. I did a google search and Kirk Douglas would make a really groovy Vincent Van Gough!