Friday, December 01, 2006

Britney Spears' Vagina: Officially More Famous Than Kevin Federline

What a dull week this has been. Sure, Kid Rock shouting slut and whore at Pamela Anderson because of Borat was mildly amusing. And who didn't laugh at Yoko Ono's slightly senile idiot ramblings about forgiveness and other nonsense? But on the whole, this week has been just a little bit ordinary you know? I realize the week isn't actually over yet but I'm not expecting anything to...Oh, what's that? Britney Spears has been repeatedly photographed publicly flashing her gibblets about while night clubbing with Paris Hilton? I spoke too soon!

Despite not releasing an album in almost four years and having apparently retired from touring in favour of a career as a baby making machine, seemingly churning out a new sprog on a weekly basis, Britney Spears is in the news quite a lot isn't she? Whether she's being photographed entering public toilets without shoes on or she's dropping one of her babies on its head or just generally being bit a bit more chubby and less attractive than she used to be, newspapers and magazines just never seem to run out of compelling Britney scandals.

Most recently Britney's made headlines by finally divorcing her back up dancer turned god-awful cornrowed white boy rapper husband Kevin Federline after three years of marriage and about a million babies. But if you think the singer who once begged Hit me Baby One More Time is going to deal with her marital breakup by gadding about her apartment for several months in grubby pyjama pants, eating Neapolitan Ice Cream straight from the tub, endlessly re-reading Pride and Prejudice and sobbing hysterically at the end of Maid in Manhattan then you're mistaken. You see, Britney has instead elected to get over K-Fed by hitting some night spots with occasional porn star Paris Hilton and by flappin' her flim flam at anyone with eyes! Or at least a camera.

Yes, Britney's decision to parade her panty-less wee-hole about like a kid showing off his A+ report card to his grandma or something was unfortunately captured by some papparazi. And, sadly, rather than the expected chorus of cheers from sticky fingered adolescents the swift spread of the Britney minge photos across the internet has been met with general widespread disaproval and a surprising level of revulsion considering only a few years ago she was topping "Sexiest Woman Alive" lists.

Even the papparazi who took the photos was appalled by Britney's actions. "I didn't see her like, even try to cover, you know. Some girls would try to hold their skirts down or something," said disgusted "celebrity photographer" Edwin Merino briefly forgetting that he's the one running around taking photos of girls snatches.

What's that? You want pictures? Gross! Get the hell outta here ya perv!

Nah, just kidding. Here's a link.

6 comments:

Maureen said...

Dear god in heaven C.G.! Did you really have to post the biggest picture of it you could find?? Sweet jesus in a pink muumuu! Some things, once seen, can never be unseen.

vomit. vomit. vomit.

Captain Great said...

I know! Isn't it just about the least attractive thing you've ever seen!

Incidentally, I'm currently re-evaluating my sexuality.

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