Monday, October 16, 2006

My thoughts on Mel "Goldie Hawn's boyfriend in Bird on a Wire" Gibson

So you might remember Mel Gibson as the smug Academy Award winning director of that shit movie about scottish people mooning British people or something. Or you may remember him as that smug guy in that magical adventure about men using telepathic powers to get into Helen Hunts vagina. But most likely you know him as that guy who got drunk a couple of months ago and claimed that "all the fucking jews are responsible for all the fucking wars in the world."

This last example famously pissed off a lot of people with 96% of all people in the world deciding that he was an asshole leading them to write innumerous letters to editors and blog entries detailing exactly how they were repeatedly and violently offended by his drunken racist outbursts. Then Mel Gibson sort of dissappeared as people either stopped caring or, more likely, it became passe to hate on Mel Gibson and people returned to hating Tom Cruise.

And to all the h8ers I say bah! It is well known objective fact that the moment anything becomes popular it instantly loses its kewl indie-street cred! This is relevant because you see, I have been hating on Mel Gibson for years! I hate him for all his shit movies (The Patriot, Passion of the Christ, Payback and especially Lethal Weapon 4). I also hate him for his awful politics (google the words "Mel Gibson" and "abortion" sometime). But mostly I hate his smugness. Look at him! He's so goddamn smug all the time!

But of course all this has been taken away from me by all those newbies jumbing on the Hate Mel Gibson bandwagon! Since there is no more kewl indie-street cred in hating Mel Gibson I've taken a different tact: I now luv Mel! It's always fun to watch a celebrity self-destruct and Mel Gibson self-destructed in a spectacular (entertaining) fashion! And he gave the world a crazy new phrase in form of 'sugartits'. And because I'm a probably a jew he gave me cause for a bit of self righteous moral indignation for a couple of weeks. Hurray!

Anyway, Mel's back! In a move coincidentally co-inciding with the release of his new film Apocalypto, Mel has decided to grant an interview to some American woman I've never heard of but whom is already alright in my books for asking Mel such fabulously schlocky questions as: "Is there hate in your heart?" and "If the police officer had been black, what would you have said?"

The thing I love best about Mel is that he has inspired some fantastic news headlines. Taken from google news today (exclamation marks added by me because they make everything greater): "Jews not responsible for Wars!", "Joan Rivers: Mel Gibson must Die!" and my personal favourite: "MEL: I Could be the next goose-stepping maniac!" The mass media is bat-shit crazy.

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